What's on my mind...

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 16:28:44 GMT

(just a little something to add to my profile page)

The pleasure of denial - NOT FOR VANILLA TYPES

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 20:13:45 GMT

...(you have been warned!)

So I (wasted?) spent (most of) the remainder of the weekend fantasizing, turning into a wanton slutty troll of the dark side of the internet... to say there is an incredible amount out there is a massive understatement.
Wow.
Not that I'm entirely new to the concept, but... wow.
I started reading (further, yes) about BDSM and the idea of withholding orgasm. Hmmm.
Of course on Saturday, as you know if you read the previous post, I was so horny I couldn't think of anything but getting off. Before I did though, I wanted to test myself a little.
While I have always had quite nice tits, and I love them - my favorite body part - sensitive, pink, pert, ready, love to be touched, squeezed, pinched... almost whatever you want - I still walk around in padded bras, or tops thick enough to god forbid show their 'true' form (and if I'm 'standing at attention').
So it was a big deal for me, to walk out of my house in a cupless bra. Being a novice, I took an old bra and just cut out the cups. I put on a relatively thin, dark (not ready for more, yet), and walked the few miles to the grocery store.
How FREE I felt! And yes, of course, so much more turned on. And funny, I'm sure no one else thought anything of it.
I made a point of standing up straight, chest out. I took my time in the freezer section.
Perhaps to most, this is nothing.
It was an exciting first step for me.
Unfortunately, as I was quick and soon to learn, the moment I got home, I got out my vibrator and came very hard.
That's unfortunate because, when I'm on my own, the moment I cum, it's gone. All of it. I suddenly feel like I've wasted time on silly ideas and silly libidinous things.
I had wanted to see how much further I could go, and thought if I did make myself cum, I would force myself to continue thinking of things to do, etc.
I need to find that balance between the right and proper busy girl, and the horny dirty little slut.

Having said that, I did wake up on Sunday with further nasty thoughts, and this time, I told myself I would hold off as long as possible. I found a chatroom - a very murky area - and ended up talking to (or should I say, being instructed by) someone for a few hours. How time flies, eh?
Note: I am being smart; I have no intention of meeting anyone in person, regardless. I can't wrap my mind around meeting a total stranger off the net after you've had extremely graphic conversations about sex. Maybe that's the prude in me, but... I'm okay with that.
He made me do things I not only would never have thought of, but never thought I'd like.
I knew I liked some pain, some bondage, some dirty talk, but my goodness.

He made me get out my toys and use them, but more interestingly and exciting, ordinary objects.
First, I stripped (I know, nothing exciting there, but the anticipation of not knowing what was coming next was thrilling)
I then was told what a willing little slut I was. I loved it.
I told him what I had done earlier in the day.
He said I needed to be punished.
I had to take my hairbrush and spank myself... hard.
It hurt; very nicely.
We proceeded with similar actions, to the point where he told me to go stand in my window, wearing nothing but my nipple clamps.
(fortunately, it was about 2am at this point; while thrilling beyond anything I imagined, I would NOT want the neighbors to see! No long lasting effects on anyone else please!).
Today when I went to work, he told me I was not allowed to wear any panties, and each time I went into the bathroom I had to play with myself, but not cum.
A colleague of mine and I went to get a spray tan (very popular here in the UK, for obvious reasons)... since I wasn't wearing any underwear, I decided upon getting out of the booth, not to put my bra on again. I didn't want a line underneath my tits where the stuff always rubs off.
I didn't realize how thin my top was until I did that (another dark top, but VERY thin!).
Again, no one at work noticed; or seemed to.
I was on a high.
I rode home on the tube, wondering if anyone was looking at me. I did have my raincoat on, but let it fall open. I took it off as I crossed the main road to walk home.

Let's see what's in store for tonight.
Let's see how long I hold out.

(if anyone is concerned, I don't even remember the guy's name, so no chance of getting tempted or lured into anything unsafe!)

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 12:30:00 GMT

I woke up so horny this morning I can't believe it.
Yet there's something about prolonging this feeling that's so addictive... I don't want to satisfy myself... I want to fuck with my mind and my body all day, to see how long I can stand it.
I've got all sorts of thoughts running through my mind, and will use this journal as a way of learning how to explore and describe them.
I wish it could be a reality for me sometimes, to dress up, go into town, lock eyes with someone, and have just a gorgeous anonymous fuck.
Sadly I get too practical and sensible to actually carry that out, so I must fantasise.

I had a dream I had to swim upstream in order to reach some destination I had to get to in a short amount of time. I realised the easiest way to do it was to strip down completely and cover myself with oil, and I do remember vividly how good that felt. I got about half way, when I started stroking myself all over, ending up vigorously rubbing my clit, and realising people along the way just might be able to see me... and I loved it.

They say that dreams about blatant sexual activities are not really about sex at all, but dreams about being in water are about sexuality...
so what does it all mean?

It's only early afternoon... shall I troll the internet and see who's willing to help 'torture' my mind for the rest of the day, until I allow myself a full release?

Perhaps a very out of character glass of wine so early in the day to start...and see where it takes me.

Finding the Balance

What's on my mind...

The pleasure of denial - NOT FOR VANILLA TYPES